Why Childhood Conversations About Death Shape Us

Growing up, I don’t remember having many meaningful conversations around death, dying, or grief. And that’s not shade, it’s just the truth.

What I do remember are ghost stories elders told about loved ones from “many moons ago.” I remember adults sharing vague details when someone in the family died. I was told we go to heaven when we die. And I remember my first funeral, seeing my grandfather in the casket, noticing his chest looked like it was moving, and thinking he was still breathing.

But that was about it.

What strikes me is how many others share the same story—childhoods where death wasn’t talked about, or when it was, the explanations left a lot of questions. Those early experiences shape how we relate to death as adults, whether we’re comfortable talking about it, how we grieve, and how we face our own mortality.

On the other hand, people I’ve met who did have open conversations about death, dying, and grief as children often say it prepared them better for adulthood. They carry less fear and more understanding.

If as kids we’re told that death is scary, dying is something you don’t talk about, or grief is something you hide away, those messages don’t disappear. We carry them. They can show up in how we handle loss later in life.

But if instead, a child hears: “It’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to miss them.” If conversations are honest and age-appropriate, that child may grow up knowing death isn’t something to fear. It’s something we can talk about, share, and move through.

So, I’ll leave you with this: If you’re supporting a child—or even just reflecting on your own experiences—remember that the way we talk about death, dying, and grief (or the way we avoid it) can shape the way we carry it for the rest of our lives.