A couple of months ago, I met a gentleman during an Uber ride, and we struck up an interesting conversation. It began with him sharing a brief synopsis of his life, which then led into his relationship experiences, a snapshot of his current relationship, his upcoming trip to Las Vegas, and a beautiful story from his childhood that he still carries with him in his heart.
As he shared his stories and experiences, I decided to open up a little too. I shared where I was from, that I was a former school counselor, a bit about my relationship history, and eventually mentioned that I am a death doula—which he found absolutely fascinating. I recounted my journey to becoming a death doula and the work I do now. I also shared a personal story about a close friend of mine who had recently passed away. His death was not only a shock but deeply saddening. This friend was one of the first people to help me navigate the news of my mother’s cancer diagnosis. His memory inspired me to start a memorial wall for all those I’ve lost, with a snippet on a sticky note or card encapsulating our relationship or describing something memorable about them.
That's when he shared more about his experiences with life and death, including a story he remembered from childhood. It was a tale written by Doris Stickney about a dragonfly, used to explain death to children.
The Dragonfly Story by Doris Stickney
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.
Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their friend was dead, gone forever.
Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what he had found at the top.
When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided to take a nap. As he slept, his body changed, and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.
So, fly he did! And, as he soared, he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never known existed.
Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.
But his new body would not go down into the water. He could not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he understood that their time would come when they, too, would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!
I thought this was such a beautiful way to describe the abstract concept of death to a child. While we all have different spiritual and religious beliefs, and thoughts about mortality and what happens when we die, I found this story to be a wonderful starting point for children—to help them understand that death is finite.
Practical Advice for Discussing Death with Children
Talking about death can be challenging, especially with children. However, it’s important to approach these conversations with honesty and sensitivity. Here are a few tips:
Use Stories: Stories like the Dragonfly Story can provide a gentle introduction to the concept of death.
Movies and Books: Discuss themes of death and grief that appear in movies or books you watch together.
Nature Walks: Observing the natural cycle of life in nature can be a way to discuss death in a non-threatening environment.
Be Honest: Answer questions as honestly as you can, based on the child’s age and maturity level.
My Reflections
I love meeting new people. There's so much richness in listening to someone’s life experiences. This chance encounter reinforced the importance of storytelling and the profound impact it can have on our lives. While I will never see that man again, the story he shared with me now lives in my spirit, and it's something I can share with others.
Have you encountered any stories or experiences that have helped you understand or cope with death? I invite you to share them in the comments below. Your stories could provide comfort and insight to others.
Here’s to meeting new people, embracing their stories, and finding beauty and meaning in every interaction.
The Role of a Death Doula
For those who may not be familiar, a death doula supports individuals and their families through the dying process. This can include emotional, spiritual, and practical support, helping to ensure a peaceful and dignified transition. My journey to becoming a death doula was deeply personal and transformative, and it’s a role that continues to teach me about the beauty and fragility of life.
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